This fucking dickweed (dick weed, dickweed, dick-weed?) ghosted me.

He ghosted the fuck out of me.

As a girl who has never been ghosted I think this is probably one of the most hurtful things that could ever happen to a person.

I met Callum/Cal on social media, we met up for a coffee (in a super public space during the day so I couldn’t be murdered or kidnapped or anything horrific like that, seriously always day-date/public space it up with strangers !!!) and coffee turned into drinks that turned into dinner that turned into more drinks.

And oh-my-gawd did I wanted to sleep with the kid. But I was like, no Ivy, be cool, don’t be a slut or you’ll never see this babe again. Obviously I was insanely overthinking it out of I’m so cray in love with this guy endorphin. There’s nothing slutty about enjoying yourself amirite.

No sex happened.

And we chatted all week online & via text and a few calls and then we dated again. And I was like I HAVE to have sex with this very tall very cool man. The whole date I don’t think I even paid any attention to anything he said, i just thought about all the different ways I want to have sex with him.

So we went to his apartment after dinner and drinks and I was so excited, ;like honestly i could’ve done a little jump for joy I was so pumped about getting this man naked. We had ok sex, really not that great, pretty quick and jack-hammer if I’m honest.

Ok fine, very jack-hammer & not great.

But I was in that brand new love bubble of happiness, thinking Oh Holy Wow. He’s fab. He’s so nice. He’s so tall. His feet are so warm. His forearms are so strong. His tiny bit of chest hair is so soft.

Who cares if he’s not very good at this? Maybe if I turn my hips this way, or lift that leg up, or try and get on my side? No, nope, that’s not happening. Ohhhhkay. We’ll just continue like this.

Very assertive me tends to go out the window, shamefully, when I am underneath a grinding dude. How this happens, who the fuck knows, but I seriously need to work on it.

So Cal does the whole cuddling thing, like attaching his sticky sweaty side to my side and me laying there like, is that it? And he’s snoring but I’m still thinking ok, well he’s adorable, even his snoring that is keeping me from sleeping is pretty darn cute.

And I lay there awake most of the night thinking fuck, I do not want to go to work tomorrow and fuck I would like to have a round two, but his eye lashes are so adorable when his eyes are closed.

So I start to plan how we could be better at it next time, maybe I could start on top, maybe we could just start at the dining table so there’s no way I could end up under him on a bed? That way there would be no basic him-on-top-thrusting but some more movement and fun. Yep there’s the plan. Perfect.

So then it’s morning and I’ve had like 2 hrs sleep but he’s sweet kissing my neck and then we’re kissing and then there’s no time for round two because it’s a Wednesday morning and we both have work & we get ready and then he makes me coffee & puts it in a take away cup & then we walk to the train together and he’s holding my hand and I’m like, is he cold? Or does he legit love me? He must love me.

And then we’re kissing good bye and he’s like “Have a great day babe” and I’m on the train literally looking like the love heart eyes emoji.

And then its Thursday.



So I text him something lame about, had a good time, what’s on for your Saturday night? yadda yadda.



Rest of my life.

I hate him so much.

It’s so weird, I actually hold this huge grudge against this guy. I cannot stand him. I don’t get it. He was so sweet, he was so lovely. I had all these damn plans for how our future sex would going to solidly out-trump our first not so great sex.

I have never seen Cal again.

Maybe he fucking died.