I went to a housewarming party for a friend’s boyfriend.

He had moved in with a bunch of guys from his football team and they lived just off their university campus.

The girls and I all went in a drunken gaggle, very loud and laughing and dancing and not giving a fuck about neighbours, or spilling things on rental carpet, or decibels and volume levels. Pretty much a group of obnoxious assholes in their early twenties.

I met Shane at this party.

He was fucking hot. There’s really no other way to describe him. He was built like a swimmer, with broad shoulders and a cute butt. He had short dark brown hair and honestly the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen in all my days.

He singled me out and we danced the night away. He was the captain of the team, I’d never seen them play or knew anything about them, I wen to a different college, but I knew he was a babe. And a great dancer. He was the kind of guy who danced with you, not just pulling you into his chest and grinding his dick on your hip, but making you laugh and spinning you around and having fun with it. All the while, looking into your eyes so you know they want to bone you and this is just musical foreplay.

But the time 2 am rolled around my friend was drunk and sick and he boyfriend was going to take her back to her place away from the party. He said I could crash in his room if I wanted. And all I was thinking was, I won’t be crashing in there alone buddy ol’ pal. Sorry about the sheets.

When I was in the kitchen and getting another beer some of the players from the team came in and raved on about what a great guy Shane was, how much he liked me & how ‘rad’ of a ‘dude’ he was. I’ll tell you this much for free, even though its insanely primary school behaviour, there’s still something very endearing & flattering about the friend-on-your-behalf chat up.

I went back to him with two beers and a grin that wouldn’t quit.

When the party was dying down we went to ‘my’ room and had some very drunk, very epic and great sex. It was that messy, no inhibitions, fun sex. When you just don’t care & get thrown around a little bit, but it’s fine, coz you’re into it.

And we’re laying there and I’m thinking, I actually really like this guy. I would like to see him again maybe…and I would definitely like to do this again and again.

So we did.

A few more times that night and I just had this really good feeling about him. Like maybe this was more than a one night stand. He was so nice & so great. Blah blah.

It turns out my feelings were just a mixture of white wine spritzers and beers on an empty stomach.

At around 5am after our third or fourth round of self-consciousness free sex, he says ‘I’ve never done this before’. And I’m lying there thinking, there is no way that this guy is a virgin. So I say ‘never what?’ and he says “cheated”!!

It turns out he doesn’t have a girlfriend, but he has a WIFE. And he’s not in college, but he’s an assistant coach in his 30’s. And his WIFE brings fresh fruit to every game. And their children come to support him on game days. CHILDREN and WIFE.

It was like ten punches in the face. Over and over.

And so.

I punched him in the face.


As a pretty passive person, this was my first act of violence. And it was really confronting.

He started saying things like, but I really care about you, she and I are having problems, you don’t understand my life, she doesn’t like sex that much, you and me really have something, I love your tits, I just want to be with you, look at me, I’m so sorry I thought you knew, she doesn’t even care about me, I’m thinking about leaving her, I don’t love her, I want you, I love your body, we could be great together, let me make you feel special, I want to see you again, don’t put your clothes on, I want to fuck you again, please don’t leave, I don’t want you to go, this wasn’t a mistake, I think I could really care about you, I didn’t mean to lie to you, you’re such a great girl, I know you liked it, I know you like me, don’t do this to us, I know you want to fuck me again, come on, be cool, calm down, don’t go.

This was the ramble I got dressed to, left the room to and started crying in the hallway to, as well as slammed the door to.

I walked to the train station in the harsh light of day carrying my shoes and crying like a big baby.

I looked like shit, I felt like shit, I had no battery on my phone to call a cab and I just wanted to curl up and die.

This was the first time someone I had screwed turned out to belong to someone else. And it was the worst hard hitting reality I ever got in my early 20’s. it genuinely hurt. Also, the fact that his team, the men who knew his wife, his real age, his children and the fact that he was lying to me, actually encouraged me to hook up with him. Selfish assholes. Bro mentality. Frat boy bullshit.

He had my number and text and called me nearly every day for a few weeks. I never saw or spoke to him again.

I really don’t wish him well.


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